愛因斯坦說: ”並不是我特別的聰明，而是我和問題相處的比較久一點。” 我相信他的論點。從另一方面來說，我相信“和問題相處的比較久一點”，就會變得比較“聰明“一點。讓我們在我們的每月的聚會裡，彼此互相學習，互相砥礪！大家都變得更“聰明“一點。 ;-) Note: “It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer.” December 2013
愛因斯坦說: ”一個快樂的人總是滿足於當下，而不太浪費時間去想未來的事。“ 他又說：”我從不去想什麼未來，它來得夠快的了“。照他的說法，我想我大概是一個蠻快樂的人,因為對我來講，聖誕佳節是來的這麼的快。以此，與大家共勉之！
我們的生活很好，但也很有挑戰。當我們面對困境時，我們的因應之道，常常會本末倒置。充滿智慧的愛因斯坦曾經說過: “假如我有一個小時來解決一個問題，我會花55分鐘來思考問題，而用5分鐘來思考解決之道。“ （If I had an hour to solve a problem I'd spend 55 minutes thinking about the problem and 5 minutes thinking about solutions.）我想我們跟愛因斯坦的區別，即在於此。假如我們跟愛因斯坦學，到最後，或許問題不是問題，或許問題問錯了，或許問題不是我們的問題！以此，與大家共勉之！ ;-) January 2014
提出“相對論”的愛因斯坦曾經說過: ”現實只是個幻覺，雖然是一種非常持久的幻覺。“ （Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.） 在生活的挑戰下，讓我們接受自己的現實或許只是“有感的幻覺”，我們可以輕鬆一點。讓我們同時也意識到別人的幻覺是“某種程度的現實”，這樣我們對別人也可以輕鬆一點。以此，與大家共勉之！ ;-) Feb. 2014
謙卑處下高度忘我的愛因斯坦的二兒子愛德華有一次問他：“爸爸，你究竟為什麼成了著名的人物呢？”愛因斯坦聽後，先是哈哈大笑，然後意味深長地說：“你瞧，甲殼蟲在一個球面上爬行，可它意識不到它是在彎曲的球體表面行走，而我卻能意識到。” 或許，當我們能意識到我們的人生行走在一個不是我們想像中的表面時，我們離愛因斯坦就又近了一步！March 2014
“普林斯頓大學打算給愛因斯坦100萬美金聘請他做教授,-----愛因斯坦被帶到普林斯頓大學他的辦公室那天，有人問他需要什麼工具。 “我看，一張書桌、一把椅子和一些紙張鉛筆就行了。啊，對了，還要一個大廢紙簍。”他說。 “為什麼要大的？” “好讓我把所有的錯誤都扔進去。”” 既然愛因斯坦需要一個大廢紙簍來裝他的錯誤，我想我們也需要一個更大的廢紙簍，來扔掉我們的錯誤！以此，與大家共勉之！ ;-) – 4/12/2014
“愛因斯坦” - 出生在 1879 年的 愛因斯坦（Albert Einstein）， 他的言語至今仍然發人省思。他說 “借鑒昨天，活在今天，憧憬明天“（Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow）。我想身為人類，我們有獨特的能力思考和解讀發生在我們周遭的事。以此而言，我們也是在時間裡旅行。我們可以想像宇宙初始時的大爆炸(Big Bang)，一直想像到宇宙的終結。但是我們人類經常活在過去的幸與不幸的事件之中，惋惜錯失的良機或痛悔某些境遇。我們有時也活在將來可能的境界中而沒有起步邁向它。愛因斯坦大概想要問我們的是：我們如何“借鑒昨天”學到的功課，讓今天的生命更充實？我們如何在“憧憬明天”中找到今天的動力並付諸行動？我們如何從過去過渡到未來之時，“活在今天“並細細品味當下的每一個時刻？ 以此，與大家共勉之！;-) - 5/10/2014
愛因斯坦 (Albert Einstein) 說過：“解決一個問題也許僅僅是一個數學上或實驗上的技能而已，而提出新的問題，新的可能，從新的角度去看舊的問題，卻需要創造性的想象力，而且標志著科學的真正進步。”(The mere formulation of a problem is far more often essential than its solution, which may be merely a matter of mathematical or experimental skill. To raise new questions, new possibilities, to regard old problems from a new angle requires creative imagination and marks real advances in science.) 當我們在學校求學時，成功的意思無非是找到正確的答案。 最近這幾年，我慢慢改變觀點，轉而對那些有震撼力的問題感到著迷，通常這些問題有著無數可能的答案。而且最近這幾年，我藉由愛因斯坦對人生奧秘的名言，我開始也對模稜兩可，及處於灰色地帶的情境感到安然。你們呢？以此，與大家共勉之！;-) - 6/14/2014
愛因斯坦說: “。。。人類盡力要做的是努力使自身行為符合道德規範。。。我們內心的平衡甚至我們的存在都要依靠它。只有行為上尋求道德價值才能賦予生命以美和尊嚴”（“The most important human endeavor is the for morality in our actions…Our inner balance, and even our very existence, depends on it. Only morality in our actions can give beauty and dignity to our lives.”）觀看世界杯足球賽，是這個暑假的重點好戲。除了激烈的競賽，我們也捕捉到一些鏡頭，看到人性的美麗，和尊嚴！好比運動員和觀眾喜極而泣，好比運動員分享得分的光榮給隊友和國人，等等等等！數十億人和平的共襄盛舉！我們如何體驗到這些美善，也將它們帶到我們日常的生活裡，並分享給我們周遭的人！以此，與大家共勉之！7/19/2014
這一個月的“愛因斯坦說”：“生活就是選擇。許多人被每天例行的習慣所套牢，部份覺得麻木，部份覺得懼怕，部份覺得冷淡。要有一個比較好的生活，我們一定要繼續選擇我們要如何的來生活。“ （”Life is all about choices. How many people are trapped in their everyday habits: part numb, part frightened, part indifferent? To have a better life we must keep choosing how we’re living.”）讓我們想想在日常生活裡我們被那些習慣所套牢，被那些想法所局限住？也讓我們想想有那些新的或有意的選擇可以改善我們的生活品質？以此，與大家共勉之！ 8/9/2014
愛因斯坦說: “瘋狂是一遍又一遍地重複作同一件事，而期待會有不同的结果。” （“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”）想想我們在目前的生活裡，有什麼讓我們感到挫折和沮喪的？有誰讓我們無法忍受的？沒有人想被稱為“瘋狂”，然而大多數人卻每天重複同樣的舉止和行為，讓挫折和沮喪重複地發生，讓無法忍受的仍然無法忍受，卻驚奇於事情沒有轉機！破解這個愛因斯坦的觀察，可以引用詩人 Tuli Kupferberg 的名言 “當行為模式被中斷時，新的世界就會顯露出來” （“When patterns are broken, new worlds will emerge.”）思考一下我們想要看到什麼樣子的“新世界”? 斟酌一下我們能做些什麼不同的下一步，進而能讓我們更接近這“新世界”？ 以此，與大家共勉之！ 9/13/2014
被譽為是「現代物理學之父」及「二十世紀世界最重要科學家」之一，愛因斯坦卓越的科學成就和原創性使得「愛因斯坦」一詞成為「天才」的同義詞；他說:“世上只有兩種對待生活的方法，一種是當人生不存在奇蹟，另一種則是當事事皆是奇蹟。“（”There are only two ways to live your life: one is as though nothing is a miracle; one is as though everything is a miracle.“）你們大概可以猜到，常以”船到橋頭自然直“來勉勵自己的我，是會選擇如何的來對待生活。另外，做為一個軟件工程師；我想到我活著，我想到我可以看到，我想到我可以呼吸空氣，我想到我可以聞到花香，我想到我可以思考，我想到我體內的一百兆細胞能靈活運轉，我想到我周遭有這麼多東西我不了解而我卻還活著，我想這些都太不可思議了！軟件再如何高明也絕對不可能做到這些。真是太奇妙了！讓我們想想，讓我們看看，讓我們體會，在我們周遭持續不斷發生的奇蹟吧？以此，與大家共勉之！ 10/11/2014
公認的二十世紀最偉大的科學家愛因斯坦說過：「想像力比知識重要，因為知識是有限的，而想像力則涵蓋了整個世界」。（Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited, whereas imagination embraces the entire world）。愛因斯坦還說過，「真正有價值的是直覺。在探索的道路上，智力無甚用處」（The only real valuable thing is intuition. The intellect has little to do on the road to discovery.）。所以，我們可以知道，愛因斯坦非常看重「想像力」與「直覺」。或許我們可以跟愛因斯坦學學，在日常生活裡，用「想像力」和「直覺」的角度來看看我們周遭的人，事，物；或許我們的心靈可以更自由自在，更輕鬆裕如，而不是只侷限在我們現實的經驗裡。以此，與大家共勉之！11/8/2014
愛因斯坦說：”如果你不能將事情簡單說清楚，就表示你還沒有融會貫通。” （If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough.）我推想，愛因斯坦可能發現有些人，因為對事情的前後和癥結還沒有相當的了解，因此無法將一些事情「簡單說清楚」。而傾向於把事情說得很複雜，又說不清楚，甚至不正確。是以無法將事情「簡單說清楚」，是非常容易誤導自己和別人的。讓我們在這歲終年末之際，變化一下想法，在親朋好友相聚時，挑簡單的，挑清楚的來講。以此，與大家共勉之！;-) 12/13/2014
愛因斯坦是公認的，人類有史以來最偉大的科學家之一，他是如何自己做學問呢？他說：“我沒有特殊的才能，有的只是強烈的好奇心”（I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious）。愛因斯坦把他的偉大成就，歸功於他「強烈的好奇心」。這裡所謂的「強烈」的原英文字，是“passionately”。所以更精準的中文翻譯，也許應該是「激情般的好奇心」。愛因斯坦認為，他做學問的最大推動力，不是來自於他的「特殊才智」“special talents”； 而是來自於他「激情般的好奇心」。同樣的，“生活”也是一門很大的“學問”，讓我們在這2015年伊始之際，以”激情般的好奇心”的角度來重新審視周遭的人與事，或許我們都會有不同的看到和不同的見解。以此，與大家共勉之！;-) 1/10/2015
愛因斯坦的卓越科學成就和原創性使得「愛因斯坦」一詞成為「天才」的同義詞，他說過一句話，就是他認為，”奧秘，是我們所能經歷的最美的事物”(“The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious”) ”奧秘”是我們無法界定，無法理解，或無法解釋的事情。但在我看來，”奧秘”是我們能每天睡了後能醒過來，“奧秘”是我們在經歷悲痛，“奧秘”是我們在經歷喜樂，“奧秘”是我們在經歷病痛，“奧秘”是我們在經歷生命的誕生，“奧秘”是我們在經歷死亡，“奧秘”是我們在經歷傷害，等等等等。讓我們一同來體會，一同來經歷生活中的“奧秘”。以此，與大家共勉之！;-) 2/14/2015
愛因斯坦為人和藹友善，同時謙虛，卻又特立獨行，從而受到廣泛的尊敬。他說：“我們應該使任何事物都變得越簡單越好，而不僅是比較簡單而已” (Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.) 他又說：“我深切的相信，宇宙運行的原理，是優美而又簡單的” (I have deep faith that the principle of the universe will be beautiful and simple.) 愛因斯坦可能常常問他自己這樣的問題來矯正他學術上的的理論：“如果我是上帝，我會這樣來安排世界嗎？”他不是要替天行道，而是要從上帝的角度來看事情。事情或許就因此而豁然開朗了！我們或許也應該多方面的跟他學學。以此，與大家共勉之！;-) 3/14/2015
愛因斯坦既是一個和平主義者，同時也是一個人道主義者，他對“人” 的見解卻不見得如何的樂觀。我們可於他下面的這段話看到端倪：“要打破人的偏見，比崩解一個原子還難”（It is harder to crack a prejudice than an atom）。可見要改變人的看法是有多麼的困難。或許我們可以看看改變自己會不會比較切合實際，也比較切實可行。以此，與大家共勉之！;-) 4/8/2015
喜歡講講笑話，並愛好航行和拉小提琴的愛因斯坦說： “人生就像騎單車。想保持平衡就得往前走” (Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving)。同時呢，騎單車也要能抓到自己的重心，不要為小事抓狂，否則騎起來歪歪扭扭的，樂趣會少很多。也不要老看車把和腳踏板，要時時往前看，這個基本功夫就要做好才行。以此騎單車與人生的譬喻，與大家共勉之！;-) 5/9/2015
我每次讀愛因斯坦的名言，通常都會有新的感受。當我比較迷惘的時候，我也有很多時候會在愛因斯坦的名言中看到一線曙光。他說：“對重大的問題，我們不能用製造問題時的同一‘思維層次’來解決問題“(The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them)。對我們而言，即使我們不是面對重大的問題，而是面對日常的事情，面對似乎是千變一律的的事情，我們有時也可以稍微提高我們的“思維層次”來看待它們，賦予它們新的意義，進而看到它們的本質。或許那時“問題”已不是問題，也或許“問題”被昇華到不同的層次了。以此，與大家共勉之！;-) 6/8/2015
最近我們養了一條狗，它不叫愛因斯坦，它叫“Ranger”，一笑。愛因斯坦著作的書《Bite-Size Einstein: Quotations on Just About Everything from the Greatest Mind of the Twentieth Century》裡面提到跟狗有關的一段話說：“。。。讓學生獲得對各種價值的理解和感受是很重要的, 他必須能真切地感受到美麗與道德的良善, 否則他的專業知識只是使他更像一隻受過良好訓練的狗, 而不是一個和諧發展的人。。。”（…It is essential that the student acquires an understanding of and a lively feeling for values. He must acquire a vivid sense of the beautiful and of the morally good. Otherwise he --with his specialized knowledge-- more closely resembles a well-trained dog than a harmoniously developed person…）訓練狗，要會利用“誘因”，諸如食物加鼓勵，來要狗做我們要它做的動作。愛因斯坦在這前後文裡所要表達的是，我們人要能比狗高明，要常保好奇心與求知慾，即使環境和條件對我們不利，即使生活缺少“誘因”，我們仍能接受不同的價值和感受，仍能體會到在生活挑戰下，不同層次的美麗與良善。以此，與大家共勉之！;-) 7/11/2015
愛因斯坦,20世紀猶太裔理論物理學家，創立了相對論，現代物理學的兩大支柱之一。雖然愛因斯坦的質能方程式E = mc2最著稱於世，他是因為「對理論物理的貢獻，特別是發現了光電效應」而獲得1921年諾貝爾物理學獎。他說“每個人都是天才。但如果你用爬樹的能力評斷一條魚，它將終其一生覺得自己是個笨蛋。” （Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.） 他說的真對，我們每一個人都是天才；也就是說，終我們一生，我們都不應該覺得自己是笨蛋，因為，我們可能只是還沒有找到適合我們發揮的舞台。也可能，我們要以更客觀的角度來看待自己；也就是說，假如我們是魚的話，我們要從魚的眼光，而不是從猴子的眼光來看待自己。哈哈！以此，與大家共勉之！;-) 8/8/2015
愛因斯坦為核能開發奠定了理論基礎，在現代科學技術和他的深刻影響下與廣泛應用等方面開創了現代科學新紀元，被公認為是繼伽利略、牛頓以來最偉大的物理學家。 他說“我從不教我的學生；我只試圖提供能讓他們學習的條件。”(I never teach my pupils; I only attempt to provide the conditions in which they can learn.) 對我們而言，生活是我們的老師，當我們面對生活上的問題時，問題就是我們“學習的條件”。基本上，也就是“生活”有如愛因斯坦般的大師在提供我們“學習的條件”（問題）。當我們理解到這一點時，我們已在另外一個層面與生活接觸了，我們也會有不同的“看見”，和不同的“視野”。我想日子會變的非常有意義。以此，與大家共勉之！;-) 9/12/2015
愛因斯坦，猶太裔物理學家。於1879年出生於德國烏爾姆市的一個猶太人家庭（父母均為猶太人)，愛因斯坦提出光子假設，成功解釋了光電效應，因此獲得1921年諾貝爾物理獎。他並且創立狹義相對論，和廣義相對論。他說：”不是每一件可以用數字衡量的事物都是重要的，也不是每一件重要的事物都可以用數字衡量”(Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.)讓我們時常用一個新鮮人的眼光來看看周遭的人、事、時、地、物，看看我們可以覺察到多少重要的事物是不可以用數字來衡量的。以此，與大家共勉之！;-) 10/10/2015
愛因斯坦說：“如果你想要一個幸福的人生，就要把人生和一個目標聯繫在一起，而不要把它放在人或事物上面。”（If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or objects.）人和事物經常會變動，把人生放在人或事物上面，會得到很多失望，會遠離幸福。把人生和目標牽連在一起，似乎是個比較好的主意。然而，在人生的過程中，我們訂的目標會改變，會有層次的不同，並且會與時俱進。隨著我們歲月的增長，我們要能時常省察我們的目光和心態，好能調整我們的目標，肆應人生裡不同的變化。幸福就會變得比較單純，而可企得。以此，與大家共勉之！;-) 11/14/2015
很驚奇看到這則愛因斯坦的婚姻和諾貝爾獎的故事，在1903年，愛因斯坦與塞爾維亞姑娘米列娃·馬里奇結婚。米列娃是愛因斯坦的大學同學，她是物理班的高材生，同時也與愛因斯坦一樣有著獨立的思想和固執的個性。婚後，米列娃對愛因斯坦的生活和工作都給予了極大支持，包括她對愛因斯坦的《狹義相對論》等多個重要論文中大量數據的計算和核實。1919年，性格上的衝突破壞了他們事業上的默契，他們的婚姻走到終點。愛因斯坦提出的條件是：有朝一日他將獲得諾貝爾獎，只要米列娃同意離婚，他將把自己所獲得的諾貝爾獎獎金全部給她。米列娃考慮了一個星期，同意了愛因斯坦提出的條件。 1921年，愛因斯坦獲得諾貝爾獎，他把獎金全部交給米列娃，履行了自己的承諾。11/14/2015
當愛因斯坦還在教書時，有一次他的學生問他，“今年的考題與去年還是一樣嗎？”。愛因斯坦回答說：“是的，但是今年的答案會厥然不同”（"True, but this year all the answers are different.“）想想我們人生的考題，好比焦慮、煩惱、生、老、病、死、等等，年去年來，好像都差不多。但我們每年每年的看法和想法都會有所不同。要恭喜大家的是，大家跟愛因斯坦都英雄（英雌）所見略同。與大家互相鼓勵的是讓我們每年的看法都有著很大的“厥然不同”。以此，與大家共勉之！ ;-) 12/12/2015
另附！1948年，醫生發現愛因斯坦的腹腔裡長了個柚子大小的大動脈瘤。醫生警告說它隨時可能爆裂。“那就讓它爆裂吧。”面對死亡的威脅，愛因斯坦十分平靜。在愛因斯坦生命的最後階段，儘管病情危重，但愛因斯坦常常不讓注射嗎啡，堅決拒絕一切外科手術。他說：“我想走的時候就會走。我已做了我所應該做的。該走的時候，請讓我平靜而有尊嚴地離去。”七年後，1955年4月18日凌晨1時15 分，愛因斯坦在普林斯頓大學醫院因“大動脈瘤破裂”逝世，享年76歲。根據愛因斯坦的遺願，當天下午，在12位親友的護送下，他的屍體火化並被撒在一個未透露的地方。12/12/2015
愛因斯坦曾說：“很多人的視野都是一個半徑為零的圓，而他們稱之為他們的觀點” (“The horizon of many people is a circle with zero radius which they call their point of view”) 我想愛因斯坦覺察到人類的看法，普遍無法超越自己，因而只能看到自己所在的那個點。我想因著我們經歷的逆境，我們因禍得福而能超越自己，而看到自己這個點以外的那個圓。希望在行走的過程中，我們的圓日益擴大。以此，與大家共勉之！;-) 1/9/2016
另附！阿道夫·希特勒於1933年開始掌權成為德國總理之時，愛因斯坦正在走訪美國。由於愛因斯坦是猶太裔人，所以儘管身為普魯士科學院教授，亦沒有返回德國。1940年，他定居美國，隨後成為美國公民。在第二次世界大戰前夕，他在一封寫給當時美國總統富蘭克林·羅斯福的信裏署名，信內提到德國可能發展出一種新式且深具威力的炸彈，因此建議美國也盡早進行相關研究，美國因此開啟了曼哈頓計劃。愛因斯坦支持增強同盟國的武力，但譴責將當時新發現的核裂变用於武器用途的想法，後來愛因斯坦與英國哲學家伯特蘭·羅素共同簽署《羅素—愛因斯坦宣言》，強調核武器的危險性。 1/9/2016
愛因斯坦曾說：“創意是智力在行樂” (“Creativity is intelligence having fun”)。我蠻同意的。我想反之亦然，也就是我們先找到樂趣，於是幫助智力鬆綁，進而產生創意。這需要我們能領悟到，”事情的有沒有樂趣，是由我們決定的“，那麼我們隨時隨刻都可以將事情，從我們的眼光裡，變得有樂趣，從而產生創意來改變生活。“境由心生“或許也是同樣的道理。以此，與大家共勉之！;-) 2/12/2016
楊振寧（出生於中國的美籍華裔物理學家，主要研究領域為統計力學和粒子物理。他與李政道1956年於共同提出宇稱不守恆理論，因而分享1957年諾貝爾 物理學獎，成為最早的華人諾貝爾獎得主。）回憶他與愛因斯坦的接觸。“在1952年，我同愛因斯坦有過一次近距離的接觸。李政道和我當時發表了關於相變的兩篇論文。相變是物理學中一個非常重要的課題，是指類似於水轉變成蒸汽或者冰轉變成水這類事情。李政道和我在這個領域有一些很好的結果。愛因斯坦注意到了，而相變也是他最喜愛的領域之一。他在這個方面也作出了傑出的貢獻。總之，他看到我們的論文很感興趣，所以他讓當時的助理考夫曼(BruriaKaufman)過來，找我去跟他談談。我就去了。我跟他談話的時間應該有一個半小時 左右。他講了很多內容，還在黑板上畫了一個麥克斯韋曲線圖，但是我沒明白他所說的主要觀 點，因為面對這樣一位令人敬仰的偉人我有點拘束，而且他把德語和英語混在一起，使我不大聽得懂。” 2/12/2016
喜愛海上航行的愛因斯坦曾說：” 我喜歡旅行，但不喜歡到達目的地。” (“I love to travel, but hate to arrive”)。這也好比我們在人生的道路上行走，讓我們效法愛因斯坦，鼓勵自己喜歡、並且享受這個過程。 以此，與大家共勉之！;-) 3/12/2016
愛因斯坦是一位專注的和平主義者，而且也是一位反核的代言人。他曾說：“邏輯能讓你從 A 到 B；想像力能帶你去任何地方。”（”Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.”）當我們面對我們的處境時，讓我們暫時放下邏輯的思考，而讓想像力馳騁一番。你可以想像大腦像一匹駿馬快意奔馳，或是像一座水庫盡情地宣洩囤積的洪水；或是像一朵朵煙花恣意綻放璀璨的光芒。重點是讓我們的大腦完全放鬆，無拘無束的做它想做的任何事情、轉它想轉的任何念頭，正向的也好、負面的也好、無聊的也罷，讓我們化身成為一個旁觀者，以超然的姿態、帶著微笑看著它盡情揮灑宣洩。此時無招勝有招、不變可應萬變！如此，或許可以將惱人的焦慮，輕鬆的排解出去，而讓我們繁忙的大腦得到休息，並且得到自由。以此，與大家共勉之！;-) 4/9/2016
愛因斯坦有很多發人省思的名言，值得我們去深思、探究、和引申。我們從2013年十二月開始這個“愛因斯坦說“的附註欄。感謝大家的愛護與支持。
祝大家遇事都能意識到我們習慣性看事情的角度，並能常常鼓勵自己從不同的方向來看待同樣的事情。如此，我們可以從諸多無可奈何中得到“自由”。以此，讓我們大家互相鼓勵與勉勵！Albert 上。
World Journal USA Feature Stories
Volunteer Elaine Peng : With early detection, mental illness can be manageable easier.
By reporter Zhou, Zhe
1-24-2016
English Translation: Priscilla C, Veronica Liu
Mental illness in the Chinese community is very often a taboo. Families encounter mental illness often does not know how to communicate with patients. Where can they get help?
Elaine Peng, Director of Asian Community Programs of National Alliance on Mental Illness Alameda County South(NAMI ACS) with her own family's experiences, helps to promote mental health services and becomes a volunteer. She has helped many people in the Chinese community out of the same situation.
**********************************************************
Zhou: Do you have any formal education or professional background in mental health?
Peng: No, not at all. I emigrated from China. I had lived in Guangzhou and Hong Kong before. I worked in trading industry. In 2005, I moved to America to start my new life with working in the education field. But had never been in contact with mental health issues.
Zhou: Then why did you start working in mental health community?
Peng: I have to start with the passing of my husband. In 2012 he left the States to go back to China. Less than a month he died under abnormal circumstances. I was devastated and so upset that I don’t even know what I was doing. My daughter said, “If dad was here, he definitely would not want to see you like this.”
Freeing and extricate from a sad situation
Zhou：How did you get yourself out of this shadow of darkness after the passing of your husband?
A: After my husband passed away, I got another blow – my daughter got sick. I also realized that I have some mental health issues. One time, when my friend gave me a ride on the freeway, I suddenly felt that my friend was driving unbearably fast. I was all pale and sweaty, I told her to slow down but she told me she was driving at the speed limit. So she took me to the hospital. After physical exam, nothing was identified. However, I realized that I may become mentally ill. I told myself, if I am going to overcome this, I need to be strong and seek help from the professionals. After I got the help I need, my illness got under control. I did think that if I could hang in there for a little while, I may be able to overcome it. But finally realized that professional help is very important. I heard stories that many people that have depression said that no one can understand the pain they go through, I found this to be true. I hope everyone knows that with the support from family and with professional help, you can overcome this difficult period. Just by battling on your own is not going to work.
I thought if I could hang in there for a little while I may overcome it by myself. But then, I realized that there was no way without help from the professionals.
I heard a lot of mental patients saying that no one on the earth can understand how miserable they feel. I felt the same way when I didn't feel well. But at the same time, I hope to stress one point that with the help from professionals, with the understanding from your family members, you will overcome it. Don’t battle on your own when you can get so much support from the others.
Zhou: Was the illness of your daughter related to her father's passed away?
Peng: Yes, she started having symptoms after her father passed away. She couldn't fall asleep for 2 weeks. She was smart enough to realize there was some wrong about hers, so she contacted the councilor and the principal of her school. She thought perhaps her sleeplessness was due to the passing of her father. The school told her to exercise more so she will be tired enough to get some sleep. 8 months later when everyone started to think that the whole thing was over, my daughter became severely ill.
I realized that there were so many similar symptoms between my daughter and my husband. My husband masked his depression with alcohol over 20 years, however, I have never realized the fact that this kind of behavior is related to mental illness. My husband had never undergone any of mental illness treatment when he was alive.
Later on, the condition of my daughter became serious. She had to stay in the hospital. The first doctor told me that my daughter has inherited the illness from her father. He asked about our family history which included my husband’s alcohol abuse. I told the doctor that I was had often doubt about my husband's death that it was somehow related to the alcohol abuse because the wine bottle was sitting right next to him when his body was found.
Early detection, lessen regrets.
Zhou: What has changed you since the death of your husband and your daughter getting ill?
Peng: I felt guilty because of ignorance. I had no idea that my husband was suffering from mental illness and I am not willing to consider that side of the problem. My husband was a brilliant man so I would never even thought of him as having mental problem. My daughter told me that, If we could have identified the illness before the incident happened, we could have had the chance to save him.
Thinking back, the symptoms already started when he was in the university. 20 years has passed and no one even knows what has happened. It’s a shame. I kept reflecting, why didn’t anyone ever think that his problem was mental health related.
Starting from that time, I realized promoting the knowledge of mental health is so important. Since 2013, I started working with NAMI. It was very hard for me at that time because my daughter was in and out of the hospital. She is an excellent girl student, her illness changed her a great deal. The illness changed her a lot. I was desperate because I didn't know how to handle the whole Situation.
In the meantime, I saw an advertisement of a NAMI family counseling course so I joined the session. After taking the course, I learnt how to identify mental illness and finding the right medicine to tackle the problem is really difficult and time consuming. If the person gives up in the middle of the treatment, it would cause a lot of problem. Many tragedies happened because the patients didn't have enough support.
Zhou: How is your daughter now? Is she better?
Peng:Yes, she acts normal and we can communicate like we used to do before.
That was the time when I was gardening and she came from behind and asked me why I was not wearing gloves. Hearing her saying something as simple as that but yet it is so like her before, my tears flowed down my face because I realized that my daughter is back!
Some people may wonder why I would have that reaction. My daughter and I have always supported each other ever since my husband’s alcohol abuse.
My daughter took good care of me! When she was very young and I came home late, she would say to me like: “Why didn’t you call?” “ Do you know that I would worry about you?” She was only nine and she said these words like a mother to her child.
I used to be busy at work. And have to work 7 days a week. My daughter would prepare breakfast for me on weekends, that's how she express her love to me. But after she was sick, she could not take care of me anymore. So when she showed her concern about me not wearing gloves. I knew that her medicine was taking in effect, my daughter was back again.
Mental illness are treatable with the right kind of medicine
Zhou: Do you think the concept of mental illness on society needs to be changed?
Peng: There are some bias toward mental illness in the society. Some people may be terrified about the mental patients. Actually it is only an illness, the behaviors of people changed only because the illness affects their brain. We go to the doctor when we feel physically ill, it should be the same when the brain is ill.
When you look at the photos of our events, the girls are all beautiful. They are all mental patients but and their sicknesses have been properly controlled. Everybody should show their support towards these beautiful girls to that have overcome their illnesses. They are all brilliant as long as they undertake proper treatment. Discrimination creates a negative label effect which will only make the situation worse.
Once at the hospital, I saw my daughter couldn't walk properly, I felt really nervous. After taking the NAMI course, I learnt that it was because the side effect of the medicine she was taking made it difficult for her to control her leg muscle and balance when she walks. But the problem can be solved with other medicine. This tells us that we don't need to be too nervous about the malfunction during the treatment, it can be solved.
Zhou: Did you become a volunteer after you take the NAMI classes?
Peng:Yes, after becoming a volunteer, I took a lot of training. With all the training programs, I have learned that most Asians has very little knowledge about mental illness. I, myself is a good example. During the 20 years, my husband felt that he was flawless, but at the same he was also pessimistic. He was not willing to do anything. If he had the chance to get help from doctors, it would not end in tragedy.
Taking medicine can help a person resume back to a normal life
Zhou: Since you volunteer at NAMI for many years with many Chinese families, are there any memorable experiences?
Peng: As a volunteer, I certainly hope that what I am working on will have positive effect. For example, there was a couple, they had bad relationship because the wife tended to take on a fight about some little things. Her husband never thought of mental problem. Until the time they came to seek help from NAMI, he stated said that deep down inside, he felt something unusual was happening. I advised them to take mental assessment with the psychiatrist.
They listened to my advice and his wife started taking medicine. 3 months later, there was a significant improvement on their relationship. I was delighted and told them they were very lucky. Because they had seek help from the professionals, not like in my case. It was a good way to try to find the problem and to solve it. But most of the families don't know what their true problem is.
Not long ago, there were a family, their daughter became sick. She could not eat or drink for more than 10 days, she was dying. Through the training programs, we all know that we can activate the 5150 act to call the police. However, the husband insisted that it was not about mental problem. He resisted to contact police because he thought the policemen were "supposed to catch illegals".
When the professionals couldn't persuade them, they turned to NAMI. Then, I talked over the phone with the wife for 2 hours, I finally persuaded her. The most important thing I told her is that "You are trying to help your daughter when you call the police. What you do will never harm your daughter. You need to save her as soon as possible because her vital signs is becoming very weak. There is no time left." She made her husband to call and the emergency personnel arrived and saved their daughter’s life.
We went through a lot of cases from the support group. We often come across patients who were unwilling to undertake treatment. My daughter had the similar situation before. There are a lot of skills for their family members learn in order to assist them. To persuade them taking medicine will help their loved one go back to their normal life, with this reason, most of them will be willing to do so.
Also, there is Mr. Frank that you have already met before. His family was suffering because of his son’s illness. When the couple came to NAMI to seek help, they always kept their heads down, you can literally tell the unhappiness from their talks. They felt hopeless for their son's future. We let them know that in fact their son's illness can be controlled. Parents need to be under control step by step, Parents need to improve their communication skills, they need to stay focus on what is the best for their son. One and a half year later, there were improvement within their family, they all can communicate effectively again with the same goal.
Seeing the smile on the patients face, seeing them regain their confidence in life, are my motivation of being a volunteer.
世界日報美國專題報導
義工彭一玲：精神疾病 早發現可治癒
記者周喆
2016年1月24日
「美國華裔精神疾病聯盟」負責人彭一玲，從病患家屬成為推廣精神健康服務的義工，幫助許多和她有同樣境遇的華人走出困境。（記者周喆／攝影）
精神健康在華裔社區往往是比較禁忌的話題。家人遇到精神疾病時經常不知道如何與病患交流、哪裡可以求助。來自中國大陸的「美國華裔精神疾病聯盟」負責人彭一玲以自己家人的經歷出發，也向專業人員求助學習，從病患家屬成為推廣精神健康服務的義工，幫助許多和她有同樣境遇的華人走出困境。
記者問：妳有沒有精神健康專業方面的教育或者工作背景？
彭一玲答：完全沒有。我從中國大陸移民來美，在廣州和香港都居住過。以前從事進出口貿易工作，2005年開始在美國定居，做教育方面的工作。但是沒有接觸過精神健康方面的東西。
問：那麼，是怎樣開始進到精神健康社區裡頭？
答：那要從我先生的過世說起。我先生不是正常情況下去世。2012年他從美國回中國，不到一個月就在旅館裡出了意外。先生的死對我打擊很大。那時我精神差到連上車時要先邁哪一隻腳都搞不清楚。女兒曾對我說：「媽媽，如果爸爸還在，他絕不希望看到你現在樣子」。
過來人 走出幽谷
問：後來是怎樣走出先生去世的陰影？
答：他走了以後，我又遭到更大打擊：我女兒發病了。我自己也出了精神問題。有一次我坐朋友的車在高速公路上行駛。突然就覺得朋友開車太快，我受不了，要他開慢點。朋友已經將車速降到安全極限，我還是覺得他太快。我當時完全失控，臉色慘白，冷汗直冒。
朋友趕快把我送到醫院。經過檢查沒有發現身體有問題。我就意識到我可能精神出了問題。我要從困難中走出來，就要先過自己這一關，要敢於向專業人員求助。我接受治療後，確實狀況逐漸穩定。
本來我以為自己扛一扛也就扛過去了。後來發現還是需要專業人員的幫助。聽到很多抑鬱症病患訴說別人根本無法理解體會他們痛苦感覺，確實是這樣的。我希望大家能知道，在專業人士幫助、家庭理解支持下，最困難的一段一定能過去。只想靠自己「精神振作」起來，那是不現實的。
問：女兒後來得病也與她爸爸過世有關嗎？
答：是的。後來回想，我女兒當時已經有一些跡象。她連續十幾天都失眠，於是自己向學校輔導員和校長求救，說自己可能因爸爸過世受影響。學校方面只是讓她多運動鍛鍊。大家都以為事情就這樣過去了。沒想到過了七、八個月，我女兒就真的發病了。
我當時意識到，女兒發病的很多症狀都與我先生相似。我先生喝了20多年的酒，酗酒很嚴重。但以前我沒有意識到這屬於精神健康的問題。我先生生前從來沒有接受過精神健康治療。
後來，女兒的情況很嚴重，必須要進醫院治療。第一個醫生就對我說「你女兒的病症可能是遺傳的」，並問我們家的相關病史，包括我先生的酗酒史。我告訴醫生，我們一直懷疑我先生的死與酗酒有關，他死的時候旁邊就是酒瓶。
早發現 減少遺憾
問：先生去世和女兒發病讓妳有了哪些改變？
答：當時我很內疚，覺得自己太無知了，根本不知道先生可能有精神疾病，也不敢往這方面聯想。我先生是非常優秀的人，根本沒想到他會有這方面的問題。我女兒後來也說：「如果我早一點在爸爸還在的時候發病，我們就能救爸爸」。
回想起來，先生在世時已經有很多跡象，從大學時就開始了。但是20多年過去，沒人知道他身上發生了什麼事情，真的是很不應該。我一直都在反省，為什麼從來沒有從精神健康方面去想過他的問題。
那時我覺得普及精神健康知識太重要了。從2013年我開始接觸全國精神疾病聯盟（NAMI）。那時真是很困難，女兒經常要進醫院。她是很優秀的女生，因發病而改變很大，我也一度覺得沒有希望。我也不知道怎樣去處理女兒的事情。
剛好那時看到NAMI的家庭輔導課程，就去報名。透過上課才明白，原來精神健康問題是一種疾病。這種病找對正確的治療和藥物非常難，需要很長時間。如果中途放棄治療，會產生很多問題。社會上有些悲劇就與此有關。
問：女兒現在情況好很多了吧？
答：是的。現在她就像個正常孩子，能正常溝通。這是從那一次她的一句話開始的。
有一次我正在後院做園藝。女兒在我後面說：「媽媽，你為什麼不戴手套？」聽她這句話，我頓時淚流滿面。因為知道，我的女兒又回來了。
別人可能覺得奇怪我為什麼會有那樣的反應。因為我先生酗酒，我和女兒兩個人一直相依為命。她對我照顧得非常好。她很小的時候，有時我晚一點回家，她都會說：「你為什麼不打個電話回來，妳不知道別人會擔心嗎？」那時她才九歲。那些話本應該是媽媽對孩子說的。
以前我工作很忙，一周要工作七天。周末早晨她都給我做好早餐。她就是這樣表達著對媽媽的愛意。但是自從發病之後，她就沒有再照護我。所以那天她那樣一句看似很普通的話，我就知道女兒又回來了，她用的那些藥物在起作用，讓她又變成我以前知道的那個女兒。
精神疾病 有藥醫
問：你覺得社會對精神疾病的觀念需要作哪些改變？
答：社會上確實對精神疾病有些偏見，覺得病患很可怕。其實它就是一種病，因為腦部病症而導致病患行為改變。大家身體有病就會去醫治，腦裡有病怎麼就不醫治呢？
你看我們辦活動照片上那些女生都很漂亮吧，她們都是病患。如果有效控制，大家就應該鼓勵他們，只要保障治療，他們就是正常的，什至比別人還優秀。如果歧視他們，給他們貼上某種標籤，就適得其反。
有一次我在醫院裡看到女兒無法正常走路，真覺得天要塌下來了。後來透過上課知道，這是因為她服的藥物副作用引起肌肉張力不平衡，可以用其他藥物來緩解。可見治療過程中某些症狀不必緊張，有辦法解決的。
問：你是通過在NAMI上課而成為義工的？
答：是的。成為義工後，受過很多訓練。通過培訓發現，華人對精神健康真的所知什少，我自己就是很好的例子。20多年來我先生一直覺得自己很了不起、無所不能。但有時他又非常消極，什麼都不願意做。這其實就是很典型的躁鬱症症狀。但當時我們都不知道。如果那時他得到專業幫助，就不會發生後來的悲劇。
靠服藥 回復正常
問：你在NAMI做義工幫助過很多華人病患，有沒有比較難忘的經歷？
答：作為義工，當然希望自己的工作有成效。有一對夫妻，家庭關係很糟。太太經常為一點小事與丈夫吵架。但男方從來沒想到過他太太可能有精神方面問題。他們來找我們聯盟求助，說明他潛意識裡已經感覺到有問題。我就建議他們去找專業醫師檢查。
他們聽從建議去找精神科醫師。他太太開始服藥治療，三個月後家庭關係就有明顯改善。我很開心，告訴他們應該慶幸，因為知道問題出在哪裡，不像我不知道我先生的問題在哪裡。知道問題就去解決，是非常好的。但大多數家庭都不知道問題出在哪。
前不久還有一對夫婦的女兒發病，十幾天不吃東西。後來連水都不喝，奄奄一息。我們受過培訓都知道，這情況可啟動5150法案，報警啟動求助。但是那位先生堅持認為不是精神方面的問題。他們對向警察求助非常抗拒，覺得警察是專門抓壞人的。
專業人員也無法說服他們，轉向NAMI求助。後來我跟那位太太通了兩個小時電話，終於說服了她。我說的最重要一句話就是：「你們報警求助不是害女兒，而是為了要救她。她的生命體症已經很低，不能再拖延下去」。她馬上讓他丈夫打急救電話。結果我們這邊通話還沒收線，那邊急救人員已經到了。她女兒也得救了。
我們從支援小組那裡也得知道很多例子。常遇到病患抗拒服藥，不願去治療。我女兒也有這樣經歷。家人應該怎樣去幫助他們？有很多竅門要學。說服他們服藥能幫助回復到正常生活，對方通常都會願意。
還有位你見過的Frank先生，他們一家因兒子的病而遭受很大痛苦。夫妻最初到NAMI來求助時，頭都是低著的，講話也很消極，對孩子的未來完全茫然。我們讓他們知道，兒子的病可以慢慢控制，家長要改進溝通技巧。同時也要明確自己對兒子的希望是什麼。一年半下來，他們的家庭有了明顯改變。大家都能夠溝通，朝著同一目標去做。
看到病患臉上的笑容和恢復對生活的信心，就是我做義工的最大動力。
Thanks to YL, who shared her recovery in our Lectures on July 25th. We all were inspired by her.
Thanks to R C, a consumer, a hero who shared her recovery in our Chinese F2F Education Class 2013-14 and at Education meetings on 2014 June., link to the file.
R C sharing
In Dec 2012, the appreciation potluck, we heard an incredible story from Katherine Fok 霍錫齡女士, who has 42 years of paranoid schizophrenic(迫害幻想症) and shared again in our Education Class 2013.
A Schizophrenic’s Story
Katherine S. Fok
I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia in 1970, just barely a year after I had worked as a research technician in a University of California campus. It was also a few months after I got my Master’s degree in Microbiology. I was relieved when my major professor finally signed my thesis in July, 1970 meaning that I had fulfilled all the requirements for my degree. I almost sang within me all the way driving back from my school to my place of work.
However, for a long time even when I was in school, I suspected people had been criticizing on everything that I did. I was miserable but could do nothing to stop people from their verbal attacks. I complained to my father and family members, they only tried to comfort me and encourage me to concentrate on my studies and work.
Then, on Labor Day weekend (the first Monday of September) 1970, I started to cry without stop at a family gathering at one of my cousin’s. I heard them criticizing me for my unconcern of my father’s sufferings. They wanted me to hand over the secrets of my research to the family who was working for the Chinese Communist Party. As I started to cry, the family gathering broke up, leaving me to stay at my cousin’s house.
My cousin had a doctor come and gave me an injection. I believed then that the injection could cause me to communicate with the FBI within my heart, and I went through in my memory all the people I came across in my life. I could not sleep for two nights. In the meantime, I continuously heard my family members pressuring me for the secrets of my research even though they were not in my presence.
I was frightful that my family was going to harm me, and sneaked away early one morning. Finally, I ended in a post office, meddling with their typewriters. The medics came and took me in an ambulance to the State Hospital. I finally was taken to a state mental hospital.
I had the idea that it was an espionage case for me. I was conscious of different groups of people trying to get a family secret from me, which was important for the world’s peace. There were three major groups contesting for the secret- The U.S., the Communists, and the United Nations. To indicate my preference for each group, I would have to dress in blue for the U.S., red for the Communists, and green for the United Nations. Then, the side of the corridor I walked was important also. If I walked on the right side, I was going to the U.S., the left side was for the Communists, and the middle was for the United Nations. If I walked into a room on the left side, I would have to walk around, so that the room would be on my right side such that I would enter it on the right side.
The meals I ate each day had meanings too. Breakfast meant to ‘break fast’. I needed to eat something to indict from what group I wanted to ‘break fast’ from. Lunch meant ‘to launch’. I had to eat something to say what I wanted to go for. Dinner meant ‘crazy (in Cantonese ‘din’ meant crazy) for’. I then had to eat something to mean which group I wanted to give the secret.
My thoughts and activities were so occupied with all the dress code and meals that I found it miserable to get up in the morning to do the right thing to say I wanted to stay in the U.S.. Besides, we had meetings, and people kept asking for cigarettes, which to me meant ‘secrets’. Deep in me, I knew I had no ‘family secret’ to tell anyone. I was frightened.
In the meantime, the hospital tried all different medications on me. Some gave me rashes, some gave difficulty in urination, some gave me constipations….. I only thought that they were trying some antidote on me as I had menstruation problems and I presumed that I was poisoned.
My father came to visit me from Hong Kong about a month after I was hospitalized. Rumors were that he came to pressure me not to tell the secret. I met him at one of the social worker’s office. The social worker asked if I was glad to see my father. I nodded, and she told me to show my father that I was happy to see him. I walked toward where he sat and bent and hugged him tight. He only stiffened and would not touch me in returned. My heart frozen and the thought “he didn’t love me but just came to stop me from telling the secret” was like a knife thrust deep into my heart. From then on, I lost hope for my father’s love.
I struggled with dress and meal for a while. I felt so tired that I decided to give up trying with thoughts that the worse was that they might put me to death. I stopped trying to dress and eat what I considered the correct way. Nothing happened, and life in the hospital remained the same. The voices projected from the TV about my espionage news gradually faded. I presumed that I finally was cleaned.
With Father here, and they had found a reasonably right medication for me, the hospital released me. Father found an apartment for us closed to one of the cousins and stayed to take care of me. I found a job as clinical microbiologist and worked for six months before I got my U. S. residency. Father then took me back to Hong Kong as I requested.
Grandmother loved me above all the grandchildren. I had a pleasant time in Hong Kong. I taught in a non-credited college for three years. Grandmother passed away in 1975 and I decided to return to the U.S. as I found it difficult to live with my step-mother. Besides, the college where I taught closed the Science Faculty and I did not want to teach high school annexed to that college.
Being in my early thirties, I thought of marriage and raising a family. I had been staying good with the medication found by a psychiatrist in Hong Kong. All the time, my family and I would not accept the diagnosis of schizophrenia and that I had taken the medication for life. I did not consult a psychiatrist and stopped my medication. Within a month, I had a relapse and had to be hospitalized again.
A closed friend told my father that it would be to my advantage that I took on a religion. Being a fervent Buddhist, my father sent me books on Buddhism. I read and discussed with him. He always said that I did not get the essence. I started to get tired of it. Then I came across some Christian booklet and got the idea that Jesus Christ could help and heal me. Maybe because I went to Christian schools when young, I readily accepted the thought and started to pray to Jesus for help. I began to find peace. I took Him as a Friend, and told Him all my thoughts.
I began to read a lot of Christian inspirational books and books by a Christian psychiatrist, Paul Tournier. In my readings, I discovered that my upbringing in an old-fashioned, conservative, and superstitious extended Chinese family had a lot to do with my illness. I had a lot of hatred and guilt because my mother passed away on my eighth birthday. Many family members considered me a ‘jinx’ and often openly told me so. Also, without a mother in an extended family I was unprotected from many of the criticisms and gossips. When I came to realize this, I was bitter and pained intensely. I told Jesus that. In my prayers and readings, Jesus exhorted me to ask for forgiveness and to forgive. I readily sent letters to ask for forgiveness, but only one replied. Jesus told me that it was all right for He had forgiven me. However, it was difficult to forgive. Again and again I told Jesus that all had truly and actually happened to me, how could I forgive? He reminded me of His death on the Cross, for sins that He had not committed. My sins and the sins of those who hurt me were included. I was not able to forgive.
The past came back to me like the evening tides for a long time. The pain was intensive and I could not rest. I kept crying to Jesus for help. He kept on reminding me of His forgiveness for all mankind. Finally, I yielded and told Him that I was willing to try but He had to help me. He promised. The past kept recurring, and each time I reminded Him of His promise and the pain subsided. Gradually I was able to face the past with peace.
Medication had help to stabilize me, but it had a lot of sided effects. As soon as I woke up in the morning, I felt a heavy piece of lead sitting on my heart and I could not lift up myself to get out of bed. I would curve into a fetal position and prayed for help to get up. When I finally got up, I felt I had somewhere to go, but I did not know where I wanted to go. I lost my concentrations and memory. The worst was that I had tremendous fear within me. Each day I look forward to night when I could go to bed and be unconscious of all these side effects. However, I often would wake up at three in the morning, and sneaked out to walk the street until the sun came out and went home. But since I found peace in forgiveness, all these side effects gradually subsided.
I wanted to be independent and self-supporting. I had been away from my field of work for a few years. It would be difficult to find a job. Some relatives and friends when they knew that I was looking for job in my field said to me, “Katherine, be realistic, since you had two relapses (I had a relapse because of an unsuccessful change of medication) you should know that you cannot use your brain for the kind of job you want to. Go and find a job in the grocery store where it is not so demanding for your brain, or find a house working job and save up for your old age!” I could not agree with them and believed that I could regain my brain power.
I had then worked as a waitress, took classes and got a real estate license and sold a condominium, worked as a bank clerk. Finally, I found an entry- level job in a biotech company making media and reagents. I then got lay-off because of lack of fund. With prayers from fellow church members and myself, I found a job with higher pay and position within three months. This happened again and I also landed in a higher pay job and better position. I ultimately worked as a research associate for more than nine years before I retired to write my story.
I wanted an endorsement from my last supervisor of work for my book. I told him my story. He was surprised, for all the more than nine years I worked for him, he said that he never suspected that I had a mental problem. And he knew some people that had my kind of problem also. In fact, all the people I came across told me that they never could tell that I had psychiatric problem. Even my psychiatrist said that he could not claim any credit for my well-beings. It is a miracle to him. I can only thank Jesus Christ for everything.
I had another relapse when I took off my medication again while I was working at my second biotech job. I recovered quickly from that with Jesus’ help. I finally accepted my diagnosis and that I had to have medication for life. Jesus chooses to heal me using medication. Like what my psychiatrist in Hong Kong said that my medication is my brain vitamins. I have to take it daily.
All in all, I can say with what a Pastor said in the beginning of his broadcast sermons, that “trust Jesus, and leave the consequences to Him.” I trust in Jesus’ healing power, and so I can live an independent life as I have always wanted.
我們的故事 by Grace Travinsky
翻譯：Shirley Gauf
十二年前的一天，我在辦公室裡，突然接到我女兒Tanya 的電話，那時她是加州大學洛杉磯分校的大四學生。我有些驚訝在中午時分接到她的電話。 "嗨！媽媽！"她說："我的精神科醫生想要跟你說話"。Tanya 把電話交給醫生，我不知道發生了什麼事，我甚至不知道Tanya 在看精神科醫生。醫生告訴我她已經看Tanya 有六個多月了，Tanya 需要退學，回家治療，因為Tanya 被確診患上精神分裂症。
我的眼睛茫然地盯著辦公室的牆壁，單調的嗡嗡聲開始湧入我的頭腦。過了一會兒，我終於含糊地提出一個問題："Tanya 能夠完成她最後一個學期並畢業嗎"？
聰明、 快樂、 好學、富於創造性又充滿愛心— 我通常就是如此形容Tanya 這孩子。她有魄力，不斷拓寬邊界；她的幼兒園老師曾經告訴過我，Tanya 是她所教過的最有自信的孩子。到了高中時期，Tanya 表現得自信又獨立。在音樂方面很有造詣，是加州一級的田徑運動員，當選同學會的公主，學業優異並且有著活躍的社交生活。想像著她將成為未來的女比爾• 蓋茨，我曾是一個驕傲的母親。卻接到那通來自三千里以外，從現實上感覺彷彿更加遙遠的，意想不到的，可怕的電話。隨後的十二年來，Tanya 的生活發生了戲劇性的轉變和挑戰。因為她不能維持與人的聯繫，她的人際關係受損；由於長期服用各種藥物，她的體重忽上忽下；她得了二型糖尿病和第四期甲狀腺癌。
她和我一起住在三藩市的家裡，又與她在德克薩斯州的父親住過，後來跟我搬到紐約，曾住過政府支助的住房社區，現在與她的男朋友生活在紐約市的布朗克斯區。在這期間，她出入精神病院十多次。每次住院少則兩週，多則長達八個月之久。由於她的第一個家庭醫生漠不關心，導致她的甲狀腺癌到第四期才被診斷出來，儘管經過所有這些挑戰，Tanya 仍找到了力量，她能夠通過網路完成她的大學學業，現在正準備進入研究所繼續深造，同時她還在持續對抗甲狀腺癌。
她得到一群充滿溫情愛心的專業人士的幫助，包括她的精神科醫生、 心理醫生、 社工、 輔導員和其他醫護人員。他們的支持的確獲得了非比尋常的結果；沒有他們，Tanya 不會有她今天的成就。
在Tanya 勇敢地面對精神分裂症的挑戰的同時，我們感到失落、無奈且沮喪。直到 Tanya 在三藩市的治療師提到一個稱為NAMI 的組織，我們才感到求助有門。但那時我的工作繁忙，排滿的日程不給我足夠的時間去參加互助團體或課程。直到2005年我們在紐約市落地生根後，我們終於進入紐約 NAMI 的大紐約分部。從那天起，我們一直參與這種不斷成長的活動，這對我們家每一個人的生活都產生非常積極的影響。
我的大女兒Nina 和我參加了NAMI 的家庭對家庭的課程，也加入家庭支持小組及各種研討會，
從而我們學到所有我們能學到的知識來盡力幫助Tanya。我們意識到，照顧和支持患有精神疾病的家庭成員，挑戰傳統智慧；我們學會瞭如何在不增加額外壓力的情況下更好地與Tanya 溝通；我們學會如何與Tanya 不起衝突地共度快樂又放鬆的時間；我們學會如何高度與Tanya 的醫療小組合作來幫助她康復。但最重要的是，我們瞭解了照顧自己的重要性，從而才能夠為Tanya 提供必要的愛和支助。
十二年後的今天，我們有不少的遺憾，但也贏得了很多的成就。難以想像生活若是另外一種情況又會怎樣，但重要的是，Tanya 和作為她的家人的我們，面對了挑戰而倖存下來。我們蛻變成一個更強壯的整體。我曾經噤默無聲，但現在我能出口傳達樂觀和希望的言語。我講 Tanya 的故事，我分享我的故事。即使你覺得太陽不會再升起，但聽了我們的故事，讓你感到還是有地方，有人可以為你在黑暗中提供光明，直到太陽返回。隨著遺傳研究的迅速進步，我滿懷希望，相信更有效的治療方法— 甚至治愈— 也會從地平線上升起。
注:Grace Travinsky 現任全美精神疾病聯盟新澤西分部(NAMI NJ)董事會成員
Twelve years ago as I was sitting in my office I received a phone call from my daughter Tanya, who was at the time was a senior at UCLA. I was surprised by the midday phone call from my daughter. “Hi Mom,” she said. “My psychiatrist wants to speak with you.”
Tanya handed the phone to the doctor. I didn’t know what to expect; I didn’t even know Tanya had been seeing a psychiatrist. that the doctor told me that she had been seeing Tanya for over six months.
That Tanya was going to withdraw from school and come home for treatment.
That Tanya had been diagnosed with schizophrenia.
My eyes stared blankly at the wall on the far side of my office and a dull hum began to flood my head. Eventually I was able to muster a question: “Will Tanya be able to finish her last quarter and graduate?” Bright, happy, loving, inquisitive and creative—that’s how I would describe Tanya as a child. She was driven and pushed the boundaries whenever she could. Tanya’s kindergarten teacher once told me that Tanya was the most self-confident child she had ever taught. By high school, Tanya was confident and self-sufficient. She was an accomplished musician, state-level track and field athlete, homecoming princess and who also excelled academically with an active social life. I was a proud mother imagining a future female Bill Gates in the making. Then out of the blue came that dreadful phone call from nearly 3,000 miles away and from a reality that seemed even further. In the dozen years since, Tanya’s life has taken dramatic turns and challenges. Her personal relationships have suffered as she has found it hard to maintain connections. Her psychotropic meds would work for a while but then seem to suddenly stop. Her weight would yoyo up and down and she developed type II diabetes and stage IV thyroid cancer—all consequences of those medicine cocktails.
She lived at home with me in San Francisco, with her father in Texas, then back with me in New York, then in supportive housing communities, and is now living with her boyfriend in the Bronx. These events all occurred in conjunction with about 10 psychiatric hospitalizations, which lasted as little as two weeks to as long as eight months. But through all of these challenges she has found strength. Despite the indifference of her first primary care doctor which led to a delayed diagnosis of her thyroid cancer until it was stage IV, Tanya was able to complete her undergraduate study online and is now preparing to enter graduate school. She has continued to fight back thyroid cancer.
The support she has received from a group of caring and compassionate professionals including her psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, resident counselors, primary doctor, and other doctors has truly made the difference. Without them Tanya would not be here today.
At the same time as Tanya was bravely facing the challenges associated with schizophrenia, we felt lost, helpless, and frustrated. It wasn’t until Tanya’s therapist in San Francisco mentioned a group called NAMI that it seemed like there was somewhere to turn. But my hectic work schedule didn’t grant me and our family time to attend the support groups or classes. But when we landed in New York City in 2005, we walked right into the NAMI NYC Metro. From that day on, we have been involved in a relationship that has continued to grow and positively influence each of our lives.
My older daughter Nina and I took a NAMI Family-To-Family class, joined family support groups, and attended various seminars so we could learn all we could to help Tanya. We realized that to care for and to support a family member with mental illness defies conventional wisdom; we learned how to better communicate with Tanya without adding additional stress; we learned how to spend happy and relaxing time with Tanya without conflict; we learned how to best work with Tanya’s treatment team for her recovery. But most of all, we learned the importance of taking care of ourselves so that we could be around to provide the necessary love and support for Tanya.
Twelve years later we are here with lots of regrets and triumphs. It’s difficult to think about what life could have been. But what is important is that Tanya and we, her family, have faced the challenges, and have survived. We have emerged a stronger unit. Once left unable to speak, I now offer words of optimism and hope. I share Tanya’s story, I share my story, and I share our story to show that even if you feel like the sun will never rise, there are places and people that can provide you ray of light in the dark until the sun returns. And with the rapid advancement in genetic research, I am hopeful that more effective therapies—or even cures—are on the horizon too.
Grace Travinsky is now a Trustee At-Large on the NAMI NJ Board
痊癒之途 Healing
John McManamy 魏嘉瑩
Chiaying Wei 譯
編按：寫作幫助 John 從憂鬱症的深淵中爬出，他的文章提醒我們，痊癒有許多不同的途徑。JohnMcMnamy 過去是擁有法律學位的財經記者，他出版了憂鬱症與躁鬱症的線上週刊。
「痊癒是找到一件讓你充滿生命力的事，並進行之。」
關於重度憂鬱症，最糟糕的事情或許是無處可逃的難受。在一次、兩次、 數次淪為憂鬱症的受害者之後，你幾乎知道它終會復發。雖然詳情不明，但相當確定當你睡著時，它會以與這相去不遠的方式悄悄來襲： 「當你在被窩裡時，一隊 112 人的搬運工，帶著沈重的裝備躡手躡腳地潛進房間，拆掉幾道牆，在你床鋪的正下方鋪下五哩長的高速電車軌道。這是某種 樂透的反面，上帝在終將發生的造訪中，獨獨挑中你。 次日，你毫不知情地起床，只覺得大腦變成日本料理中從冰櫃魚列而出的壽司，它通過後腦杓消失在地平線之外；你的神智在火車鳴笛的都卜勒效應下漸 漸模糊，交叉迴響的笛聲嘲笑著你的軟弱與愚昧。 終於你找到一個新的腦袋裝到肩膀上，重新站起來，卻只為了被捷運，接 著是電車擊倒，最後翻白肚躺平。 現下是絕望的；街角的孩童和他的巧克力泡芙火車只要朝你的方向一望， 便可以粉碎你殘存的大腦。」
回溯 1999 年初，我才剛從最糟的一次憂鬱症中倖存，依舊心有餘悸。我最 先做的幾件事之一是爬出被窩到電腦前；網路對我來說是新鮮事，憂鬱症也是。 我也漸漸承認自己的躁鬱症，它是我某方面已經知道一輩子，卻一直拒絕接受的事。 我瀏覽一個接著一個的網站，讀到憂鬱症與躁鬱症這兩種疾病如何地具有 毀滅性，但也發現它們都是可以治療的，而我在自己的痊癒中扮演主角。接著我發現個各式各樣的精神疾病留言版，在積蓄了勇氣之後，甚至開始回覆訊息。其後的幾個星期中，我發現某個頻受躁鬱症患者造訪的留言版特別吸引我。 有人登出十個你知道自己得了躁鬱症的理由，我記得第十個理由是，如果你認為羅賓•威廉斯不應該再那麼懶散，你便知道自己得了躁鬱症。 我隱約知道自己找到了某個棲息之地。
幾個星期之後，一個謎樣的留言徵求作家，我是個作家，我回應了。結果 版主恰巧是 Suite101.com 的心理衛生編輯，也是一位躁鬱症患者，Colleen Sullivan。她正在找人寫關於憂鬱症的文章，我告訴她自己應該可以應付四篇文章。 令人不敢置信的是，她並沒有就此斷訊，於是我在鍵盤坐下，開始打字：「憂 鬱症並非字面所說，我們談論的是一種會佔領你的心智的情況，劫走你的尊嚴， 剝奪生命給你的歡樂，把你留在水面下兩吋，人神共棄」。 再回過神時，我已經變成網頁的憂鬱症編輯，在自己有了心得，下定決定 時，一次寫一篇文章。這一切都和我的康復密切相關；在一個星期之內，我開始寫了三篇文章，下個星期再三篇，全都蓄勢待發，等著出擊。
當時我心裡毫不懷 疑——自己有許多可寫。 寫作幫助我從絕處逢生，對我來說，它是一項療程；如果我是個球員，我 會投籃，如果是個園丁，會在戶外與牽牛花為伍。痊癒是找到一件讓你充滿生命力的事，並進行之。當我全速航行時，時間空間全都不存在；日頭自行落下，震 耳欲聾的音樂轉為靜音，身邊熱氣騰騰的茶杯一分鐘後再拿起來已經像石頭一樣冰冷。 經過六個月行屍走肉的生活，我再度開始寫作，真真正正地寫。雖然是在憂鬱症與躁鬱症的影子之下，但我還是寫著。我一次一篇文章，改寫著自己的生 命。
本文獲得 NAMI 允許譯自”NAMI Advocate” Winter, 2003
精神疾病與家人 Mental Illness and Family
魏嘉瑩 Chiaying Wei 編譯
譯註：2002 年秋季號的 NAMI 季刊《Advocate》裡，一如往常，有許許多多的好文章，包括精神疾病的相關政策、反污名的倡導、最新研究的資訊報導，以及病 友或家屬的心聲等。其中有兩篇特別引人注意，一篇是從專家的觀點出發的《實 際應用：憂鬱症和你們的關係》，作者為心理學家 Xavier Amador 博士；另外一 篇是《倖存者：一位母親的故事》，為 Patricia Forbes 女士的人生經驗。雖然兩 者各自從不同的角度出發，但談的都是精神疾病對患者、親友、和彼此間人際關 係所造成的影響，以及他們如何能夠度過這個難關。事實上，兩篇文章甚至可以說完全地相互呼應著。希望家屬與病友們讀了之後，將獲得所需的知識與力量， 家屬們不但可以面對所愛的人的精神疾病，也能同時照顧好自己；更希望每一個 人都會產生信心，知道自己將可以度過這一切。 Xavier Amador 博士目前任職於全美精神疾病聯盟，主持其下的研究、教育與實踐中心；如果讀者對本文有任何批評指教或疑問，歡迎以中英文，利用電子郵件： mentalillnessandlife＠hotmail.com 與作者聯絡。
此外，值得一提的是，Patricia Forbes 女士表示，自從失去孩子之後，跟別人分享她的力量與希望，還有消除長久以來腦部疾患（亦即精神疾患）所承受的污名， 已成為她的人生任務。 實際應用：憂鬱症與人際關係 Practical Application: Depression and Your Relationships 「和患者生活在一起的人，也是罹患憂鬱症和焦慮症、恐懼症等其他情感性精神 疾病的高危險群。」 Xavier Amador, Ph.D. 憂鬱症經常具有強大的破壞力；我們都知道臨床憂鬱症影響人的心情、睡 眠、食慾，行動，甚至還有求生意志，卻不知道它對人際關係造成什麼樣的影響。
在婚姻關係裡，假如其中一方患有憂鬱症，以離婚收場的機率比沒被憂鬱症所困 擾的婚姻高了九倍。 這個令人難以相信的統計數據不單單指出臨床憂鬱症對人際關係可能的破 壞性；比起一般人，憂鬱症患者和親近的人在相處時，面臨較多的壓力與衝突， 爭執、誤解更是家常便飯。在這樣的情況之下，憂鬱症——以及憂鬱症所導致的 性生活問題——成為伴侶們尋求諮商協助最常見的原因，一點也不令人吃驚；有 大約 50%的憂鬱症婦女抱怨自己有嚴重的婚姻問題。憂鬱症患者的親屬常因為擔心、生氣，和精疲力盡的感受愈來愈嚴重，而受盡折磨；事實上，和患者生活在一起的人，也是罹患憂鬱症和焦慮症、恐懼症等其他情感性精神疾病的高危險群。
曾經身為臨床憂鬱症的受害者，我目睹過它如何使我愛的人身心俱疲，卻無力幫助他們，因為掙扎著想好起來對我來說就已經夠難的了。幸運的是，有技巧可供學習，幫助人們對抗憂鬱症的「連帶效應」，在維護重要關係的同時，也使患者可以好好地康復。
為什麼憂鬱症對人際關係如此具有殺傷力，甚至會波及患者身邊的人呢？試 著想像一下，如果你覺得孤單寂寞，甚至很憤慨，因為太太好幾個星期以來都心情不佳，不想和你一起做任何事，當她要求你幫忙家裡內外的雜務時，你大概會 露出不高興的樣子；她感受到你的憤慨，覺得不被支持，於是更無助，也更憂鬱， 而這些反應又加深了你的寂寞以及憤慨。研究報告把這種互動稱之為憂鬱症的惡性循環漩渦，也就是患者的行為和你的反應不但沒有幫助憂鬱症減輕，反而使它加劇。 這種惡性循環早期可能以數種不同形式發生，其中之一是，因為你對自己生太太的氣覺得有罪惡感，所以無法告訴她你的感受，她卻認為你不願意與她分 享你的感受，於是你們倆之間的溝通開始產生裂痕。也可能你太直接表達自己的憤怒，反倒點燃另一半心中原來就已經一觸即發的導火線，使有建設性的討論變成不可能。我們都知道激烈的爭吵解決不了任何問題，但是卻沒有想到，它同時也不可避免地使兩人的憂鬱和絕望感加劇。這就好像兩個人一起跳舞時，一個人的腳步一定會影響另一個人的腳步一樣；當你們之間的關係發生問題時，極可能你早就已經加入這場憂鬱之舞了。
心理學家 Laura Epstein Rosen 博士跟我發現，憂鬱症患者的人際關係會經歷我們所謂的『憂鬱症適應階段』（stages of adaptation to the depression, SAD）。 就像嬰兒從學爬到學走，經歷各個成長的里程碑一樣，人際關係在回應憂鬱症時，也會經過一連串的階段；也像嬰兒的成長一樣，SAD 會隨著每段不同的關係，在不同的時間發生，階段和階段之間並不一定有明顯的間隔。相同的行為模式可能會接連出現在不同的兩個階段中；就如同幼童雖然已經學會走路，但有時候還是會用爬的一樣。雖然可能發生倒退的情況，但原則上各個階段是依序發生 的。每個階段中，你的行為決策都會影響憂鬱症本身的發展和你們之間的關係。
1. 發現問題 在這個階段中，關係裡的其中一個，或兩個人同時發現彼此的相處出現問題；問題可能是新浮現的，也可能是舊問題的加劇，其範圍可能是兩人之間爭吵質與量的改變，及溝通的漸行破裂。
2. 產生反應 對問題最初的反應有可能是有意識，也可能是無意識的——就 像反射動作一樣；關係裡的一個人或兩人同時開始對問題產生建設性地或破壞性的回應。
3. 蒐集資訊 蒐集和問題相關的資訊時，可以彼此討論，或徵詢他人對問題 ＊ 譯註：Laura Epstein Rosen 博士與作者合著有《當你愛的人得了憂鬱症》（ “When Someone You Love is Depressed” ）一書。何在有什麼看法。成功的資訊蒐集是明白憂鬱症如何導致，或促成問題的發生， 避免對錯誤的線索窮追不捨；例如：「她對性生活沒興趣是因為有外遇」，「她整天躺在床上是因為自私和懶惰」，或「他會忘記是因為他不關心我」。
4. 解決問題 在這個階段，蒐集到的資訊將形成新的行動計畫，使你比較不會對問題產生例如覺得被拒絕或受傷害等，基於反射性的回應；而有較多例如知道問題的成因是憂鬱症，並試圖解決等，出於思考過後的回應。假如行動的基礎 建立在錯誤的問題上，亦即，兩人都沒認清憂鬱症是罪魁禍首，便會無法解決問題；如果正確地斷定出問題的根源是憂鬱症，將可以有效地解決在彼此關係裡發生的問題。
如果某個你愛的人正經歷著臨床憂鬱症，根據臨床經驗以及研究，我們建議 你下列的基本原則：
y 盡你所能學習關於臨床憂鬱症的知識，並明白自己對於所愛的人生病有什麼反應，例如生氣、怨恨、恐懼等。
y 對自己和患者抱持合理的期待。（例如，你或許可以使你愛的人高興一些，但卻無法治好臨床憂鬱症。）
y 提供無條件的支持。（例如，盡可能經常地表達你的愛和支持。）
y 盡量維持你的生活習慣。（例如，不要擔心自己一點都不能讓對方單獨一個人， 這樣你才能擁有社交生活、運動等。）
y 不要怕表達自己的感受——只要注意表達時用有建設性的方法即可。
y 不要把事情看成與個人有關。（例如，學著區分什麼事是由憂鬱症，而不是個人的因素造成的。）
y 同時為兩人尋求協助。
y 以團結合作，而非敵對的態度，一起努力對抗憂鬱症。 在通過 SAD 時好好地運用這八個基本原則，將可以對你產生正面的影響， 並且減輕憂鬱症所引發的負面連帶效應。
倖存者：一位母親的故事 Survival: A Mother’s Story Patricia Forbes
「假如說有一個例子可以清楚地詮釋無力感，那一定是努力想醫好所愛的人的精神疾病。」 「比較有用的方法是，我也下水到她所在的地方加入她——只在她身旁跟著游就好。」 多年以來，我一直天真地相信，愛可以克服一切困難，只不過，事情卻全然並非如此。
我是一個母親，養育了四個孩子，其中兩個還沒來得及找出這個世界對自己的意義，便失去了生命。這兩個我心愛的孩子都患了躁鬱症，儘管再怎麼努力，我還是無法幫助他們穿越降臨的烏雲。
女兒在十四歲時初次顯現生病的徵兆，兒子則是在離家念大學，半工半讀時，受到憂鬱症的襲擊。他的病看似比較輕微，只因為他在病發之前擁有較久的 正常生活，並且明白我已經為了妹妹的病煩惱不已，所以想要保護我遠離他的麻 煩。 假如說有一個例子可以清楚地詮釋無力感，那一定是努力想醫好所愛的人的 精神疾病。一個孩子生病十九年，另一個孩子生病十年；支撐我度過這段時光的， 單純地只是希望：希望有上帝的幫助，希望有某個原因讓事情有所轉變，希望科學研究找到答案；使這些美好的年輕人們能擁有片刻的寧靜。多少次我祈求上帝免除孩子們的病痛，讓生病的人是我，只要祂放過他們，我願意承受所有痛苦。
雖然有時候事情看似穩定，有時我們能一起歡笑，不用說一切還是每況愈 下。我的兩個孩子都很溫柔而且慷慨，擁有善良、開放、未經世故的天真，一種坦率，以及可以立即辨識出欺騙的深度。哥哥姊姊一直都很關愛而且支持他們， 但歷經情況的時好時壞，我們所有人都精疲力竭——卻又無力改變——整個家庭也都付出了代價。我們沒有一個人知道怎麼做有用，但卻全部覺得就某方面來說自己有責任。
我包辦了所有奔波的工作：閱讀、跟專業人員交談、試著讓孩子們合作嘗試各種新的藥物、尋求所有在社區中找得到的協助。我加入了全美精神疾病聯盟在三個州裡的組織：我的故鄉德州，我住的科羅拉多州，以及女兒居住的亞歷桑那州。我們得到片刻的寬慰，我的希望也增強了；這持續地並不久，卻容許我有片刻喘息的機會。
醫生們很早就告訴我，要確保自己不要和所愛的家人一併落入絕望的深淵。 為了度過難關，我需要養成某種防衛機制，設定界線，而我得度過難關，存活下去，才能為他們說話。 身為母親，對我來說最難的一件事其實是一項簡單的事實，不像發燒，我無法治好女兒的病；她需要從專業人員那裡獲得第三者的協助，那和親情的影響力一點關係也沒有。醫生們建議我，精神疾病患者需要漸漸獨立自主，接受自己的病情，願意服藥，並且學習適應的技巧；待在某個可以讓他們百分之一百獨立的 環境會最理想。不幸的是，這在我們家很難實現；為人母的天性讓我保護著他們。 我懷著罪惡感奔忙著，但時間證明醫生是對的。
在結構完善的療養中心，以及之後的團體之家裡，女兒確實過得比較好。她內在的戰爭比較不那麼嚴重，似乎比較願意學習如何處理自己的疾病、學習適當的行為舉止、培養工作技能。有 一段時間，她自己住在公寓裡，參加大學裡的課程；她的確試著努力，有那麼些時候，我認為我們會成功。 但每一次我們看似讓每件事都各安其所時，結果總是好景不長。
從這個經 驗，我學到接受和彈性兩個有力的教訓。我學會不絞擰雙手、不再哭泣、也不原地踱步，但我從不曾停止努力進行溝通。當女兒因為自己的情況，以怒氣衝撞著 我時，我會告訴她：「我能體會你的憤怒，但是不接受你的言語暴力。我要告訴你，你想怎麼樣都好——生氣和挫折——，但是我希望你明白一件事：我不會離開；我是你的媽媽，我愛你，你別無選擇，完畢。」
每次哀傷漸漸轉變成讓人支離破碎的挫敗和悲痛時，我就得練習放手；把自己的哀傷和罪惡感交給上帝，學著不要被自己的情緒吞噬。在探究疑問的同時， 我學會接受今日的「現狀」，面對找不出答案的問題；慢慢地，慢慢地，我學會找到一個限度，明白自己已經做了所有能做的事。不過那並不意味著我停止努力、關心、或嘗試，只代表我能夠把重擔從自己身上移開，不再試著一個人治好某人的沈痾。
在一次 NAMI 的會議裡，我聽到一位漂亮的女孩談論自己的精神疾病，她舉了一個很有用的例子，教人如何提供幫助。我從她那裡學到，就像小孩子學游泳 一樣，我不能逼女兒，也不能代替她游。比較有用的方法是，我也下水到她所在 的地方加入她―—不催她，不對她嘮叨，或試著找出事情的意義―—只在她身旁跟著游就好。 當所愛的人患了癌症或心臟病時，人們會很好心，試著表現仁慈。腦部疾患卻以一種不同的方式，讓家人們遭遇嚴厲的折磨。無法信任狀況暫時的穩定，日 復一日不知道接著會浮現什麼樣的問題——或者如何為我們愛的人處理這些問 題——使得家庭生活承受著難以想像的沈重壓力；而為了某種理由，我們無法談論它，也無法一勞永逸地將之解決。
患著腦部疾病時，病人的行為將所有的人和所有的事都推了開來。 但我們還是必須不停地嘗試，腦部疾病患者就像我們其他人一樣，是上帝的世界裡重要的生物。絕大多數的人都不明瞭他們所受的痛苦，以及他們有多需我們的體諒；似乎為了讓他們獲得這些東西，我們還得經過一番奮鬥。 對其他為了相同問題每天苦惱的父母，我想說：「我也曾經經歷過這些事， 但我真的存活下來了。事實證明每個孩子都是我最好的老師，他們教我逐漸獲得 這些力量：我學會了一定程度的耐心、寬容、和堅持，以及如何保持韌性及希望。 用任何其他的方法，我都不可能這樣學會這些事。你也可以。我伸手向身邊的擁 有相同問題人求援；藉著不停地祈禱，跟別人分享力量，還有來自生命中支持我 們的人所給予的鼓勵，我們一定能夠度過這一切。」
本文獲得 NAMI 允許譯自 “NAMI Advocate” Fall, 2002
走出黑暗 ——憂鬱症家庭的預防與治療
Moving Out of the Darkness: Prevention and healing for families facing depression
William Beardslee, M.D.
魏嘉瑩 Chiaying Wei 譯
編注：William R. Beardslee 醫師是波士頓兒童醫院精神醫學部門的精神科主治醫師兼主任，以及哈佛醫學院兒童精神醫學的教授。他目前主導美國國家心理衛生 研究院（National Institute of Mental Health, NIMH） 贊助的「防治行動計畫」， 目的為發掘當家長患有情感性疾患時，醫師輔助，家人為本，設計來加強孩子的 恢復力與瞭解家庭的防治活動，可以產生何種效果。他著書《走出黑暗的房間：當 家長得了憂鬱症時：保護孩子，鞏固家庭》，已婚，育有四名子女。
1970 年代末期，我開始和與憂鬱症奮戰中的父母們談話，一次又一次聽到他們說：「我們害怕自己的病已經對孩子造成無法彌補的傷害，卻沒有人幫助我 們。」 沒有孩子受到無法彌補的傷害，事實上，當父母親與精神疾病抗爭時，可以做許多事來增進家人力量和恢復力。我在過去二十五年中有機會和家屬們合 作，發展及檢驗當父母親面臨憂鬱症時的預防之道。
簡單說來，如果你是一位患了精神疾病的家長，可以做許多事來幫助孩子。 最近二十年神經醫學有許多卓越的研究注重在發展可塑性的概念上——亦即，成 長中的嬰兒或孩童面臨身體疾病或腦部傷害時，擁有強大的彈性。當父母患有重 度精神疾病時，可能也存在同樣的彈性。雖然當父母與精神疾病奮戰時，孩子們 面臨些許升高的風險，但很多的孩子都可以安然度過。
最近我在工作人員和同事的協助下，為家屬和執業人員把這個課題的工作 成果彙編成冊。在《走出黑暗的房間：當家長得了憂鬱症時：保護孩子，鞏固家庭》（Little, Brown and Company, 2002）裡，我們敘述了當父母親與精神疾病征 戰，想幫助孩子時，可以採取的行動。
首先，父母親照顧好自己是很重要的。假如你是位患有精神疾病的家長， 必須確定自己接受一位你能信任的人的照顧；今天，我們對一般精神疾患或特別 是憂鬱症，擁有比以往都佳的治療。其次，要明白這些疾病確實會影響家人，尤其是孩子們；他們會掙扎想找出父母患病的道理，並且產生疑問。
父母也需要知道如何堅強起來，增進孩子的恢復力。父母可以從三個地方直接影響孩子的恢復力和健全：鼓舞他們的人際關係、鼓勵他們在家庭外面的活動及幫助他們瞭解父母的疾病。確定孩子不覺得有罪惡感，並且可以自在地在生 命中前進非常重要。
我們的工作有大部分跟幫助家庭坦誠、公開地討論精神疾病有關，我們稱這個過程為打破沈默。幾乎所有我們合作的家庭都能進行成功的家庭會議，它包 括計畫、分享資訊、確定沒人有罪惡感或覺得該為疾病受責，以及討論家人一同經歷的事件。家人們毋須自行努力，可以跟治療師、友人或如NAMI 一樣對家庭會議有經驗的家屬組織討論。
家長對家庭會議的時與地應該感到自在（見下列「家庭會議的計畫」），甚至或許應該演練要說的話。讓每個人覺得安穩，所有的問題，特別是家人一齊面臨的問題，獲得解答是很重要的。
在會議中，家長應該告訴孩子自己正在進行的治療，強調自己會為疾病負起責任；強調家庭的力量與記得大家共享的美好時光也很重要。假如家長是兩人，強調雙方如何合作，如何建立孩子的恢復力也是重點。下面的「家庭會議的進行」提出家人們覺得有用的行動。
我們特別擁有機會追蹤家庭和孩子們討論之後的情形，發現隨著時間，治療者可以從家庭中脫身，家人們能夠自行對話、自助，也發現孩子逐漸瞭解家長的疾病。我們還發現很多父母親得以挽回疏離的家庭成員，拾回宗教信仰，重新走入社區。他們如何對抗精神疾病，幫助孩子的故事充滿勇氣，交織成《走出黑 暗的房間》一書。
與家人們合作無可避免地使我們革新醫療照護。在合作時，我們要求他們取得良好的治療，這引發我們與保險公司的對抗，以及為人們爭取所需的照護的長期奮戰。它帶領我們在兒童醫院成立「兒童心理衛生倡導中心」，這是第一次 主要兒童醫療院所成立此種部門；它也引領我們更積極與 NAMI 這樣的倡導機 構互動。在 911 事件後的混亂時期與經濟衰退下，掙扎於精神疾病的父母親們更顯脆弱，我們更有理由覺醒到，家人間的對話對促進痊癒有多重要。
家庭會議的計畫
1. 在會議前跟配偶一起決定討 論事宜。
2. 也決定不予討論的事項。
3. 在危機之下時，不要進行以憂鬱症或家庭歷史為主題的談話。
4. 試著讓孩子們看到你和伴侶協力照顧他們，並且有具體的計畫。
5. 數次演練你要說的話。
6. 務必強調沒人該被責怪；這是一種疾病，家人們可以安然度過。
7. 告訴孩子你保護他們的步驟。
8. 計畫進行一次以上的談話。
家庭會議的進行開始之後：
1. 告訴孩子你採取的行動，例如進行治療、跟伴侶和他們討論憂鬱症，並試著陪在他們身邊。
2. 討論不尋常、令人不快及無可否認的事，幫助孩子找方法瞭解這些困難的經驗，如 此他們才不會自責或覺得該為家庭的痛苦負責。
3. 幫助孩子們們自在地談論害怕 的事，並直接說出他們的擔憂。
本文獲得 NAMI 允許譯自 “NAMI Advocate” Winter, 2003
-page1.jpg)
